It has now been 10 years since Dad’s Alzheimer's diagnosis and I have felt pretty much every emotion going. Sadness, obviously, especially in the immediate period after the diagnosis when I would switch between feeling ‘fine’ to crying.
I have felt confusion. Dementia is so complex and every day is different. Dad can be perfectly clear and lucid one day, and then have no grasp of what is going on the next.
I have also felt self-pity. Why him? Why us? I feel guilty for not doing more. I even feel guilty for those times I don’t feel guilty.
I would like to stress that it is not all doom and gloom. There are still nice times. Times of love, affection, and humor too. Dad can say some pretty out-there things, and you have to laugh, because if you do not laugh you will cry. We have done too much of that already.
There are going to be good times and there are going to be bad times, and I am going to feel a range of emotions. Who would not?
We are still father and daughter, but our relationship is different now. I guess the inevitable has happened and the roles have reversed. Dad has changed, but he is still Dad and always will be. He is just going to be a new version of Dad and I need to accept that.
At the end of the day, the only thing that hasn't changed is my love for him!!!
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