Alzheimer's disease doesn't care who you are, who you used to be, or who you might have become. It doesn't discriminate. It hurts deeply and destroys families. For some reason, I find it’s a closeted disease, particularly among Latin families. I find that many people are willing to admit their loved ones are suffering from dementia rather than admit it’s Alzheimer's.
I am an actor by profession, and in 1996, my dream came true: I booked a job that took me to Broadway, followed by a national tour. At the time, I was living with my parents, who were in their late sixties, and my older brother. We were aware of my father's Alzheimer's diagnosis; it was progressing slowly and manageable. When the job opportunity arose, it was decided that my mom would be my dad's caregiver. From late 1992 to 1996, I was off pursuing my dreams. Through daily phone calls and occasional brief visits, I noticed my mother’s cognitive abilities declining. When I moved back to LA in 1996, my mother was also diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.
The extreme emotions I went through were overwhelming: guilt-ridden for squandering quality time on the road, guilt that perhaps if I had been around to help with the stress my mom endured caring for my dad, she might not have gotten sick. Frustrated with their living conditions, I decided to take a year off from my career, become their full-time caregiver, and take over and become the fixer. This did not sit well with my siblings, but that’s a story for another day.
That one year I had planned on taking off turned into four and half years, plus a year in a custody battle with my brother over control of my parents and their house. I became dedicated to serving, protecting, and fighting for my parents. I won custody of them. Then, in late 1999, my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer and given three months to live. My dad, by then, had become increasingly difficult to handle. In our family, we took care of our own, but with my mom's extensive cancer treatment, I couldn’t look after them both. I felt all alone. I had to make one of the hardest decisions I vowed I would never make: place my dad in a home. Eventually, I started spiraling, looking for ways to cope, trying everything available to me, and finding myself getting in deep. Unfortunately, everything I went through those last years didn’t help. I lost Mom almost three months to the day of her diagnosis. Dad past six months later.
All the heartache, family turmoil, tears, broken hope, and prayers for a little more time were over. My life felt over. My family is still broken. We never fully recovered. The toll of the disease pushed my brothers and me into our corners, and we came out fighting and defending. Be aware of how deep the roots of this disease can grow and infect.
The arts saved me. God graciously sent me a lifeline, and I grabbed it. I even made a short film, which helped me heal. I learned that I have to keep myself healthy, and I need to ask for and make sure I get help, communicate, and try not to do it all alone. I learned that I can’t always fix the problem. Sometimes I just have to let life take its course.
In honor of my parents, aunts, grandfather, and my girlfriend Tracy, who has been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s, I am proudly walking in the Alzheimer's Association Walk to End Alzheimer’s in New York City. Please make a donation or register as a participant and start your own fundraising efforts. Together, we can end Alzheimer’s disease.
If you want to catch my short, click on the link: https://vimeo.com/875828860
Thank you for your support!
My Progress
Thank you for helping advance Alzheimer's support, care and research.
25
I have raised
100
My Goal
My Achievements
Self-Donor
Storyteller