Hi everyone - Dad passed away on June 15th this year. Here is the eulogy I wrote and gave at Dad's funeral. In honor of Dad and all of those impacted by Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia, my team Grateful Tread will be Walking to End Alzheimer's disease on September 28th. Please consider donating so that one day we can celebrate the first Alzheimer's survivor. 

Richard Reif February 5, 1928 - June 15th, 2024

Thank you all very much for coming today to honor and pay respect to our dad. On behalf of Jennie and me we are very happy and grateful to have you with us today. You are the people dad would have wanted to be here today so thank you!

Since Saturday, I’ve been struck by the outpouring of condolences and comments that people have said and written. Many of the comments have common themes about dad and what a wonderful man he was. I heard over and over about things like telling jokes, eating crabs together, singing, playing, and performing music (dad played the clarinet and the ukelele!) and watching sports and cheering on my softball team. These are the things we remember about people. People commented “he was a true gentleman.” These are the things that make up their personality and their soul. And beneath all of these amazing characteristics is something called a Servant Leadership mindset.

I’ve been doing a lot of work for the past few years teaching managers how to be leaders. There is a mindset that I teach called Servant Leadership. Servant Leaders think and act upon their employees and customers’ needs before their own. Servant leaders put others’ needs above their own ego. This in turn leads to happy and productive employees and organizational success. This leadership concept isn’t new. Jesus was a servant leader. I suspect most of the saints were servant leaders. If you think through your life you can probably think of other servant leaders like coaches, teachers, great bosses and mentors, and parents. All these people put you first, and themselves second.

My father was the ultimate servant leader, putting his family first in everything he did. He lived to make sure we were happy, educated, and knew how to have fun! His servant leadership probably took root from his beloved parents and brother Charles. But I suspect it grew during his time in the Marine Corp between 1948 and 1952 when he served his country. He left the Corp honorably shortly before the Korean war. Dad would later say that those 4 years were some of the best years of his life when he learned the USMC way, met a lot of characters, and saw the world. He even had an audience with Pope Paul VI.

When mom and dad were married in 1953 they moved in with dad’s parents in the house where he grew up in Highland town at 807 Dean Street. Clearly when you let your son and wife move in with you, you are model servant leaders putting their needs ahead of your own. 

Soon after Jennie was born they moved to Summit Avenue in Carney. Dad was an amazing father to Jennie. He did everything a doting father could do from providing a fun backyard to play in to making up stories for her with whimsical characters like the sweet “Rosemary” and the thieving yet misunderstood “Hawkie Hawk”. Dad and Jennie would walk or bike the “woods way” to get snowballs at the legendary My-T-Fine snowball stand on Joppa road. 

When I came along dad upped his game and went back to school to earn his accounting degree from U of B so he could provide a good life for his family. But it wasn’t a good life…if was a great life! For most of his career dad worked as an accountant with Maryland Specialty Wire in Cockeysville, where he was beloved by all. Dad took us to Ocean City and introduced us to this “new place” called Deep Creek Lake! 

Dad could be serious but also he made us laugh. But not always on purpose. One time dad noticed a strange sound coming from the vents in his Mercury. It wasn’t a whistle sound, but it was a high-pitched tone. Couldn’t figure it out. He drove with that sound, turning the vents on and off, high and low. Sometimes he would bang on the dash in hopes the sound would stop. He eventually removed the dashboard and found a harmonica had been trapped there right above the vent. Mistakes happen.

Dad was the ultimate host. Always welcoming and always serving because he knew that a selfless approach to leading would produce a happy family. He was strict when he had to be as any great leader knows. He had a natural generous and giving soul. Dad’s charm was legendary. People had fun whenever dad was around. He wasn’t the center-of-attention-type, but he could tell a joke like a professional. He continued to charm and entertain even when his memory and thoughts failed him. The wonderful staff at Oak Crest Village mention “Reif-the-Chief” as their favorite resident.

As a young man growing up and looking for direction, I decided that if I simply modeled my life like my father and be like him, I would be happy by making others happy. 

On Friday and Saturday Dad’s health was declining rapidly. We knew that he would pass soon. Jennie, Jeanne and I spent the last 48 hours with him by his side not knowing how much longer his body would hold out. It was a strong body for a very long time! I got up to leave the room for a few minutes. But before I left I leaned over to him and told him that all I ever wanted was to be like him. And that I loved him very much. When I returned just a few minutes later Jeanne was waving at me from the hallway to hurry back. When I got back we watched as dad took his final breath. And just like that he was gone from this earth.

Please think about dad, Rich, Pop-pop, Reif-the-chief today. Think about his personality, his charm, and his soul. Recall a Benny Goodman song he used to play, or a joke he would tell. Let his soul be part of you and enjoy that feeling while it lasts. And then you’ll pass that part of dad on to others. And that’s how dad’s soul will live on forever through all of us. 

I'm leading the way to Alzheimer's first survivor by participating in the Alzheimer's Association Walk to End Alzheimer's®. Currently, more than 5 million Americans have Alzheimer's and that number is expected to grow to as many as 14 million by 2050. Our future is at risk unless we can find a way to change the course of this disease.

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