Several Years ago an insurance saleswoman asked me what my biggest fear was. I didn't hesitate, I replied becoming my mom.
She laughed thinking I was joking and asked "really, what is your biggest fear?" Again, I replied becoming my mom is really my biggest fear. She looked at me, then my husband, he nodded in affirmation. I think he also nodded in fear, he doesn't want me to be her either.
Am I a horrible person? Am I dis-respecting my mom? I'm not sure, but I am being honest.
I am confident that my mom didn't want to be in the condition she was in, especially at the end. She was a very strong, independent woman. She did not like giving up control. I understand that, and I am already like her in that way, which is sometimes not good.
Our dementia journey was hard on both of us. I say "our" because I was beside her as the disease invaded her mind and body, it invaded me too. For 15 years my world revolved around her, making sure she was being cared for and had everything she needed. Keeping my cell phone with me at all times. Afraid to go away in case something happened, especially at the end. Waiting for the end.
When the end came I cried. As much as I mourned there was even more a sense of relief, a burden lifted and finally my mom was no longer in the pain and fear she had fought all those years.
I have been involved in the Walk to END Alzheimer's for several years and a couple years ago I came up with the perfect team name: His Sparrows, a symbol of God's care and provision throughout our long journey.
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow, nor reap, nor store away in barns, yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of much more value than they. Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat? or What shall we drink?... Your Heavenly Father knows what you need.
"But seek ye first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matt 6: 26-34
MY STORY: (3 min)
WHAT IS ALZ (1 min)
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