My family and I have been intimately affected by Alzheimer’s disease. It started back in the 90’s when my maternal grandmother suffered from symptoms (back then there really was no diagnosis). But we all knew there was something not quite right about grandma. It was when she lost her purse, and hours later we found it in the oven, that we knew something was really wrong. She passed away in December 1994. I remember back then being told, “Don’t worry, you will never have to go through this, by the time you are older, there will be a cure.” Well, I’m still waiting for that cure.
And I did go through it, because about 10 years ago, I noticed my mom showing signs of dementia. My mom, who friends and family know as Patty, suffered from Alzheimer’s for over ten years. I remember the exact moment I realized something wasn’t quite right. We were in Seattle at a Cubs/Mariners game and she started talking about wanting to explore Seattle and go over the Golden Gate Bridge and visit Alcatraz. I remember thinking, “She doesn’t realize where we are. Oh no, here we go again.”
Before the disease took over her brain, she was fun, spunky, and the life of the party. I like to say that people describe her as a real hoot. She was the type of person who would walk into a room full of people, and shortly after, everyone knew her name. People would always come up to me and ask, “Is Patty your mom? I just love her, you’re so lucky to have a mom like her!” When I attended Oregon State, my first year of college she came down for Mom’s weekend. We went to a party and I kid you not, she called me over and she had at least 5 men surrounding her, and she would say, “Meet my daughter Kelly, she’s a freshman!” And I would be like, “Mom, stop it, you’re embarrassing me!” But that was just the kind of person she was, outgoing and spunky.
For Halloween one year, her and my dad showed up at my brother’s new house to surprise him. He was so excited to hand out candy for the first time in his new home. My dad called ahead of time to let him know they were running late. But they weren’t late, instead they were parked right around the corner, and my mom, who was all but 5 feet tall mind you, was dressed as a ghost, with a sheet covering her entire body and 2 little slits for eyes. She walked up to my brother’s front door, knocked on the door, and when he answered she said, “Trick or treat.” So my brother held out the bowl of candy and my mom proceeded to grab the entire bowl of candy and run away. My brother chased after her and as he was literally tackling her to the ground, the sheet flew up over her face and I instantly recognized it was my mom. I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t speak to tell my brother he had just tackled our mom!
When I realized her memory was declining, I vowed to spend as much time with her as possible. My mom and I were always close, and I knew we didn’t have a lot of time left together. When she started seriously declining, I watched my dad, who was her primary caretaker, struggle to meet the demands this disease requires, while also navigating the decline of his own health as a result of the emotional, physical, and financial impact Alzheimer’s has on families and caregivers. Thankfully, my dad is still with us and is now in good health. But sadly, in June of last year we lost my mom. I miss her more than I can convey, and I think about her every day. I understand all too well the impact Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia have on families and that is why I volunteer.
It is my hope and my goal that not one husband, not one wife, not one brother, sister, son, or daughter, ever has to experience what my family and I have experienced. And so for that reason, and for my own daughter, I will fight until I am either no longer able to fight, or until we find a cure. And preferably the latter.
Thank you for letting me share my story, and for all that you all do in fighting this horrible disease. #EndAlz
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