Join our team, "Dulce De Coco," in honor of our mom, Yolanda (Coco)Santos, to walk alongside us oStatistics show, as a caregiver, my life expectancy is minus five years due to the stress of caregiving.
“No one should lose their memories, family memories, or independence. Forget who they once were”.
My story;
My care for mom has given me knowledge that can benefit other caregivers, to prepare and embrace the ones they love. To provide the best life left on this earth with dignity. Alzheimer’s is not an individual disease; It's a family one.
As a daughter and caregiver to mom, I have seen firsthand how Alzheimer's takes the sweet part of your soul and turns it into a mean, aggressive person; little by little, It has taken mom's beautiful vibrant spirit.
One day around 2014, mom gave up the fight and could not hide her symptoms. Mom's new Reality starts setting in; mom understands one day and gets confused the next. Mom cannot do simple tasks; boiling water for coffee. Every morning, for as long as I can remember, a ritual, mom routine, has been forgotten. Mom cannot figure out why she feels lost in a foreign place unfamiliar to her. frustration and fear are becoming mom's normal. Shame in her eyes, overwhelming guilt, having to rely upon Gabriel and me for help. The falls continue to occur, and mom’s hardheadedness. She rejects using a cane or walker but hides her bruises. Mom’s in-stability and strength are disintegrating; It's not easy to watch, and it won't be easy to forget for Gabriel and me.
I ask for strength, compassion, and patients, every morning. I promised mom I would care for her until I couldn’t.
Living with a person who has Dementia is not easy without respite care for the primary caregiver. The consequence will have devastating results and impacts the care of loved ones. It is essential to find ways to help caregivers, particularly non-participant family members, who refuse to listen or alleviate the burden and hardships on caregivers and their families. The decline and fatigue with 24/7 care, no days off, sick time, or pay. Caregiving should never be one person's responsibility. Family members lacking or unwilling to educate themselves and communicate with primary caregivers will have devastating effects and break families apart.
My biggest challenge has been my three siblings; I have four; my eldest brother used to help me with loans. Unfortunately, the influence of the other three siblings became his truth. I have been called mean, a bully, and flipped off. I let it go for mom. I didn't want to be the reason the four stopped visiting mom. They don’t call or visit but can not blame me. My conscious is good and I have no regrets. I had to cut ties with all four siblings. I was becoming sick, and the pressure from them was worse than the stress with mom.
Financial anxiety is a continual accurate each month. Caregiving is expensive; how we make it each month is beyond explanation, I am on disability due to migraines. My faith is Strong, and I believe someone up above is looking out for us.
In the beginning, caring for mom, I called it my curse, my burden; I resented mom and her selfish children. NOT today! My blessings are acceptance, with love and forgiveness, not resentment or hate. I thank my higher power daily and the organizations-Central Coast Caregivers and Alz.org; I would be lost and hopeless without these organizations. I thank my friends(sisters) who have listened and cared. My support group, every Thursday from 4-5:30, has been essential to my well-being.
As I embraced a newfound life, a new reality hit me; I discovered emotions never felt before. Mom made It possible to face my anguish(I have depression, which started at age 5); I put everything on hold without realizing I shut off the voices in my head. Wow! mom has encouraged me in ways I never believed possible. My sweet and kind mom guided me to my peace without chaos; thank you, mom. I'm no longer blind; I see the beauty in everything, well, almost everything. I am human and get angry, frustrated, and unorganized with my time, but today I have outlets, friends, and My son.
My son Gabriel who is seventeen has stepped up and helped me with his grandma; he started around twelve or thirteen. Gabriel has become caregiver number two. He is an incredible caregiver with kindness and love. Grumpy most times, but ill take it. Thank you, Gabriel.
I will continue to learn and volunteer in honor of all the loved ones lost to Alzheimer’s, and I will pay it forward to help caregivers begin their journeys to the unknown. To be mom’s voice and advocate.
Won’t you please help Stop Alzheimer's and Dementia? with a donation; every little bit helps.
I LOVE YOU, MOM.
Dulce De Coco-Candy Gutierrez
Thank you!
My Progress
Thank you for helping advance Alzheimer's support, care and research.
25
I have raised
1000
My Goal
My Achievements
Self-Donor
Storyteller
Mobile Master