My Holiday Memories
Monday, November 21, 2011
By: Dave Price

My Holiday Memories

My Holiday Memories
by Dave Price
This brief note may sound like a downer at first, but if you stick with me it gets much better.
I lost Mary Jane, my precious wife of forty-one years, on January 2, 2011. Alzheimer's being what it is, we didn't have a real holiday season last year although a few friends did bring in poinsettias and small gifts and food.
I have been in a grief support group all this year and the subject is often dealing with what they call "firsts" like first anniversary, first birthday and of course first Christmas without your spouse. In my case I had a series of "lasts" and those are what I think about.
Mary Jane was the first to realize she was getting Alzheimer's in the fall of 2003; in fact at first our family doctor did not think her self-diagnosis was correct, so slight were her symptoms. She had noticed that she was having trouble with mechanical things like the TV remote, the thermostat and the push-button phone.
She did pretty well for several years but of course eventually she had more and more serious lapses of memory.
For a long time we were able to live our lives as we always had and we carried on with holiday traditions, but I frequently thought to myself, "This might be our last time to do this." And in time, as we both knew it would, the day came when we had done all of our customary things for the last time. After that came the worst part, knowing she would soon die and trying to save up as many memories as possible.
Here's where the good part comes in: We had gone to an Alzheimer's support group for several years and the wise leader of the group once said, "The quality of personal relationships is more important than any medicine." Remembering those words, I spent a lot of every day sitting and talking to Mary Jane face-to-face and often she was able to respond in such a way that I knew she understood me. In fact almost every day I felt that we were still keeping the lines of communication open. This was so rewarding to me and to her as well. In response to my telling her how much I loved her she was often able to say she loved me, usually in simple words but I love the memories of these precious moments.
After Mary Jane was gone our family doctor said, "I know this has been a very difficult year for you," and I was able to reply, "But it was by far the year I will treasure the most."
Love to you all,
Dave